PC Humour


Below is a collection of some PC based humour sent to us......


    A breakthrough in computer technology has been made by the representatives of the growing population of female computer engineers. The new revolutionary processor is based on female logic and utilizes the following four values for logical operators:
    0) neither YES nor NO
    1) YES or NO
    2) NO three times
    3) NO and never mention it to me again!


    There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession.   The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.  The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession. The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"


   A Software guy, a Hardware guy and a Mainframe guy are driving across the desert when they get a flat tire. The Mainframe guy says, "Well, now we have to get a new car." The Hardware guy says, "I got a better idea. Let's rotate the tires and see if we can isolate the problem." The Software guy says, "Nah, let's run it another thirty miles and see if the problem reoccurs."


    A student starts his summer job at IBM. The manager tells him his first task is to sweep the floor. "But", he protests, "I can't do that, I'm a Coventry Poly Computer Science Student !" "Well in that case" says the manager, "Your first task is to learn how to use the broom"


Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31


High Tech Computer Sales Jargon



- Different colour from previous design
- Parts not interchangeable with previous design
- Imported product
- The advertising agency doesn't understand it
- We finally got one that works
- Impossible to fix

Glossary of common terms


Bandwidth:    limited by the size of the stage
benchmark:    what happens when your saw hits the bench
broadband:    an all female rock group
Control Character:    prison guard
density:    how to measure IQs of blondes
escape sequence:    Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut throw fence...
Ethernet:    used to catch Ether
fixed disk:    a broken disk that comes back from the shop
high density diskette:    a very stupid floppy
home computer:    what you tell your computer when it follows you
hypertext:    text on amphetamines
ink jet:    a plan used for sky writing
modem:    what the gardener did to the lawns
on-line:    where the birds sit
overlay:    chickens making too many eggs
pentium:    the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
postscript:    grafitti on a pole
software piracy:    stealing a ship's program

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